Never lose hope: eating disorder recovery is always possible
Ally Ortolani // Staff Writer
Stress is completely normal, especially in college. This week alone, I have an ungodly amount of notes to take, quizzes to complete and a speech to give in class. Most nights I go to bed at 5 a.m., and I’m lucky if I get even six hours of sleep. While maintaining a 4.0 GPA this semester poses its own challenges, dealing with much deeper mental health issues seems to consume the entirety of my day.
As an adolescent, my self-image was far from perfect. My past history of an eating disorder, anxiety and a myriad number of other issues plagued my high school career. Now, as a freshman in college, I seemingly have a better grip on reality… or so I like to believe.
Granted, it is undoubtedly crucial to take care of your body, but I somehow found a sickening way to justify the harm I was doing to my body. These past several months have been stressful to say the least. Waking up at noon, going to class, followed by 10 hours of homework took an immense toll on me. I would drink a chai latte with several espresso shots instead of eating. Sounds healthy, right? As a result of my newfound unhealthy habits, I began to isolate myself from my friends and would rarely go out on weekends. I justified my wrongdoings because if I was involved in extracurriculars, had essentially perfect grades and my parents were happy, was I really doing harm to myself? Yes.
I hit rock bottom in mid-January. After relapsing with my eating disorder, my life was crumbling right before my eyes. My family and friends recognized the unhealthy weight loss and my tendency to neglect talking to them. In a span of five days, I somehow lost 12 pounds. I was in denial of the harm I was doing to my body. In retrospect, I think I only got a total of maybe 10 hours of sleep that week. My mind was consumed with meeting deadlines and maintaining my GPA that I vigorously worked to maintain. Perhaps my lack of eating, excessive amount of stress, or even my anxiety was the cause of my impending fear of failing. To be completely honest, I am not quite sure what caused me to be so reckless. In a sickening sense, if I could deprive myself of food, happiness, or other necessities, then maybe I would feel a sense of control. I knew I couldn’t handle my own stress, but that goes without saying.
Yes, I do in fact attend therapy on a regular basis. It isn’t easy, especially since I have had bad experiences with therapists in the past. However, I was pleasantly surprised with the Counseling Services on HPU’s campus. Even a mere hour with one of the counselors helps out tremendously. All students who need these services should take advantage of the resources HPU offers, and it’s easy to set up as well.
When you start to tell yourself things like “I can get better on my own” or “I don’t need any help,” that’s when you should be reaching out and getting it. Therapy is a great way to start by letting your family know what is going on. When you keep your family aware of what’s happening with you, you have a bigger support group of people that will be around through it all.
For me, I am taking baby steps, and by no means am I cured completely. My anorexia will always be a part of who I am, but I am much more than my eating disorder. I was able to spend spring break reflecting on the past several months, and it did help. If I was able to conquer my eating disorder once, I can surely do it again. I am not alone. Just like the 30 million people of all ages and genders who suffer from an eating disorder, I am just as strong and capable of conquering my innermost demons. I couldn’t have done this without the support and the encouragement from others and myself. If you or a friend is struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out. Take hold of your life and take action. The best way you can do this is by reaching out and not isolating yourself from new friends and opportunities.
This month I pledge to take better care of myself. I promise to take better care of my body. I promise to eat healthy and nutritious foods. I promise to see the positive in everything. College is about making new and lasting relationships. I declare happiness. Every day is a new day. Recovery is always possible.